Texts From Last Night

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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...

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  (719): I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel... http://tfl.nu/j6ej
  Replies (13) Good night (2717) Bad night (686)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.

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  (636): It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy. http://tfl.nu/okgv
  Replies (33) Good night (5127) Bad night (684)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.

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  (334): She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard. http://tfl.nu/xu4e
  Replies (9) Good night (4348) Bad night (1382)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.

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  (256): we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it. http://tfl.nu/bdg5
  Replies (34) Good night (10832) Bad night (1577)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.

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  (616): I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night. http://tfl.nu/m0ls
  Replies (68) Good night (2196) Bad night (4020)
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  (559): View more from California

  i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...

  (559): View more from California

  ...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!

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  (559): i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers... (559): ...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win! http://tfl.nu/147d
  Replies (29) Good night (7172) Bad night (995)
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  (714): View more from California

  I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?

  (949): View more from California

  Midgetier?

  (714): View more from California

  Smaller, yet meaner.

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  (714): I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic? (949): Midgetier? (714): Smaller, yet meaner. http://tfl.nu/nr7w
  Replies (12) Good night (4161) Bad night (980)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp

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  (703): it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp http://tfl.nu/dn3p
  Replies (1) Good night (741) Bad night (1751)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.

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  (402): He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help. http://tfl.nu/brln
  Replies (13) Good night (542) Bad night (2100)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  If I was 5 years younger and single...

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She STILL wouldn't fuck you.

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  (508): If I was 5 years younger and single... (413): She STILL wouldn't fuck you. http://tfl.nu/p2kv
  Replies (4) Good night (1360) Bad night (840)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.

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  (315): I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening. http://tfl.nu/i72z
  Replies (3) Good night (636) Bad night (402)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia

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  (972): On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia http://tfl.nu/s5pu
  Replies (6) Good night (346) Bad night (1026)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.

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  (508): I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking. http://tfl.nu/8mby
  Replies (0) Good night (408) Bad night (423)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Come here I'm naked

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  And I want mozzarella sticks

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  (603): Come here I'm naked (603): And I want mozzarella sticks http://tfl.nu/pjoa
  Replies (3) Good night (594) Bad night (178)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again

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  (717): i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again http://tfl.nu/w429
  Replies (2) Good night (461) Bad night (175)

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