There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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