a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.