Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin

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  (802): i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin http://tfl.nu/0a0z
  Replies (14) Good night (889) Bad night (2124)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.

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  (207): I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee. http://tfl.nu/4bjn
  Replies (18) Good night (4711) Bad night (1108)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.

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  (604): She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows. http://tfl.nu/2hzy
  Replies (8) Good night (1095) Bad night (3936)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?

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  (949): Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk? http://tfl.nu/zd5j
  Replies (5) Good night (3308) Bad night (861)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"

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  (503): But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers" http://tfl.nu/x36v
  Replies (6) Good night (2668) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.

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  (978): I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened. http://tfl.nu/wamv
  Replies (11) Good night (2485) Bad night (1205)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm

  (1-757): View more from Virginia

  Dick in a box?

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  (757): Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm (1-757): Dick in a box? http://tfl.nu/x7sn
  Replies (13) Good night (4448) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.

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  (845): I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent. http://tfl.nu/v6g7
  Replies (9) Good night (365) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.

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  (412): I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause. http://tfl.nu/76t1
  Replies (3) Good night (1292) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"

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  (843): Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty" http://tfl.nu/jvva
  Replies (1) Good night (1301) Bad night (308)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that

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  (775): I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that http://tfl.nu/rttq
  Replies (1) Good night (324) Bad night (405)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.

  (1-320): View more from Minnesota

  The apocalypse has arrived.

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  (320): For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment. (1-320): The apocalypse has arrived. http://tfl.nu/kypn
  Replies (1) Good night (494) Bad night (251)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.

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  (708): He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro. http://tfl.nu/6fem
  Replies (12) Good night (354) Bad night (998)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.

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  (775): Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity. http://tfl.nu/mwyr
  Replies (6) Good night (447) Bad night (188)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?

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  (360): I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home? http://tfl.nu/x6vd
  Replies (1) Good night (358) Bad night (460)

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