He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
