Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.