Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen