i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
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Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
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His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day