Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
FUCK WHALES
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
