You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
