You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
