You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.