We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.