Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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