Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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