the condom got lost in my hair
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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