If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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