I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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