i think my tv is drunk
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
