It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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