i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
not ubering you a puppy
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
