Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
