I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
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Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
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tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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