The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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