YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
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I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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