question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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