We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Alive.
So much puke
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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