We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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