btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize