My first STD was from a foam party
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
