This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
