my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
