I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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