I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
