if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
