I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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