He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You made out with two different species that night
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
