i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
