I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
