I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
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