This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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