he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
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i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
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My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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