And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
