i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
