You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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