what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
