Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
