I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
