I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
