I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
