I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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