Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
