Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
did i just pee glitter
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
