Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i wish my penis had a tongue
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
