If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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