He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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