Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
