I wish I could punch you in the face.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
