You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
