I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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