He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
