I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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