I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so let's talk penis.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
