So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
