I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
