i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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