Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
