I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
