I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
