Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
