This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
